Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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