i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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