You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
did i just pee glitter
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
