i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
