Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's the barista slut.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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