even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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