She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
