Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Shame - the story of my life.
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