she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
