I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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