Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
