You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
