why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
