how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
