Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
