New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
