Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
