Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
