Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
