also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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