Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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