hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
