they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
