This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You ate ashes out of my bong
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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