My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
