I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
