No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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