Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
