p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
