My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
