The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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