bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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