pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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