I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
