a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
