i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
