The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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