it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
