It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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