New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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