Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
