I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
