You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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