I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
