Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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