I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
