just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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