no you cant smoke seaweed
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
