I wanna bring you to show and tell
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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