so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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