you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
