After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
