Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i think i have two assholes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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