Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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