did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
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you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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