Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
