i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
