grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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