at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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