just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
