I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
