wat bout pragnant strippers??
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
