You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
