good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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