you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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