im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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