good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
