Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
