So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
