It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
