did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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