Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
