well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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