I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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